I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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