you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
