apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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