its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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