In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
