come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
