wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have demons in me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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