Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
