i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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