Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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