So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
