I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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