dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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