if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
