hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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