She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
