I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize