I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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