Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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