Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
