First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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