It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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