dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
