Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
