have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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