Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
