i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
