can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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