i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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