3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
