I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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