hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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