Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
