like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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