and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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