Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
