That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
