the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
