Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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