sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
