I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
