Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
