I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
