These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
