Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
