he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
