Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
