remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
