Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
