watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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