SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I deserve this hangover.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
