so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
