i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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