he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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