She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize