fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize