FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
send nudes
from the living room?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
