i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
