This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
