y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
