just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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