Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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