Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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