Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
