If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
