does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
