My hair reeks of homosexuality.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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