My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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