You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
