Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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