Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I booty called her while she was in labor.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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