She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
