dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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