And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
