cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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