i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
