I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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