OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
