why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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